More Than A Feeling

I almost titled this post, ‘Trust Your Feelings, Luke?” in homage to that old line from Star Wars.   In that make believe world, Luke was encouraged to trust his feelings, but I want to ask each of you a question. 

Have your feelings ever steered you wrong?  Have you ever been absolutely convinced of something, and then your feelings did a 180 degree turn after some time went by, or when you got some new information?  Maybe you thought you were in love as a teenager, but if that relationship had remained, you would not have met your spouse and your life would have taken a totally different trajectory.  Or how about misjudging someone’s character initially – maybe you were sure about an opinion or a feeling you had about someone, and then found out that person was much different than you thought? Or have you ever been so angry or sad or depressed that you felt like you wanted to end it all, thinking the world would be better off without you?  Most of us can likely relate to at least one of those situations, and you can probably think of other instances where feelings let you down.  Feelings that, had you followed through on them, could have led to disastrous consequences.

In today’s society, it seems honoring and being true to one’s personal feelings is considered the pinnacle of virtue, and happiness is the worthiest goal of every life.  But, in actuality, focusing on our feelings is the very opposite of Godly wisdom.  From the time we are born, our parents and others are helping to shape us into people who can offer something to the world we live in.  Think about how we train toddlers – they have very strong feelings! No one has to “teach” a toddler how to be selfish, disobedient, or how to lie.   No, we teach them how to be self-LESS, how to share, and how to tell the truth, even when telling a lie seems more comfortable.  We teach them to have self-control, rather than to be totally controlled by, and at the mercy of, their own emotions.

As they grow, we teach children how to be tactful, how to be considerate of others.  We don’t tell them to “just be yourself” without regard to others – no, we are constantly molding and shaping them to be BETTER people.  If left strictly to their “feelings,” many children would not go to bed at a decent time, not go to school, and not eat properly. Having control and mastery over our feelings keeps us from doing all kinds of destructive things to others and even to ourselves.  Lack of self-control, and just doing what “feels right” at the moment, is often a recipe for disaster.

Proverbs 25:28 describes a man without self-control as being “like a city broken into and left without walls.”  If you don’t have walls, you are open to attacks of the enemy, you are without protection. 

While “feelings” are exalted above all in the culture today, there seems to be a sense that there is something that still needs work within ourselves – otherwise why would there be such a plethora of “self-help” books?  But in these books the advice is usually centered around “self-care,” doing what your heart tells you, living your best life, etc.  This is all antithetical, however, to how the God of Scripture wants us to view and live out our lives. 

Jesus never said, “Be sure and take care of yourself, put yourself first,” but rather, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.  For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it” (Matthew16:24-25).   He gave us the example of servant leadership when he humbled himself and washed his disciples’ feet.  “The greatest among you will be a servant,” he told his disciples when some wanted top status in the Kingdom.  In other words, we are not to put ourselves, our desires, or our own personal happiness at the top of the hierarchy of priorities.  Not every emotion we feel, or thought that pops into our heads, is equally valid or worthy of expression.

So, are emotions bad?  Should we ignore our feelings? By no means! Our emotions and feelings can be the impetus for unselfish acts of kindness, and for loving our families and others well.  Sometimes feelings warn us of harmful situations, or signal something is “off.”  In my work as a pediatric OT, I often find myself repeating to parents what a wise instructor said in a continuing education course I attended, “All behavior tells you something.” Sometimes we just have to figure out what that is, in order to stop a negative behavior.  I think the same could be said for feelings– all feelings tell you something.

 As Christians we should examine how our feelings align with what God’s word says and His expectation of holiness in our lives.  Jesus says he will give us a “peace that passes all understanding.”  Do I feel that peace?  The Joy of the Lord is our strength (Nehemiah 8:10).  Do I feel joy?  Peace and joy are fruits of the Spirit, and the presence of the feelings of peace and joy are indications I am being led by the Holy Spirit.

What about the negative feelings we experience? Again, examine the source. 

When I’m angry, does my anger have a righteous cause, because of injustice or because someone is being mistreated, or is my anger rooted in pride, stubbornness, and wanting my own way? Jesus demonstrated anger when he drove the merchants out of the temple, but it was a righteous anger, because the merchants had made the Temple a place where goods were bought and sold instead of a place of prayer and worship.  Some commentators also surmise that part of Jesus’s anger was because the merchants often cheated the poorest of people, which were usually the women and widows, as they sought to buy sacrifices outside the temple.  Jesus’ anger was righteous on both counts.

Am I experiencing negative emotions because of jealousy, or unforgiveness, or fear of missing out? Is the sadness or depression I feel, rooted in an intense focus on the self?  In every situation, we must examine our feelings, but not exalt them.  Feelings can be good when properly assessed and addressed but can also be the “gateway drug,” so to speak, that leads to living a life so intensely focused on the self that it can never bring contentment.  That kind of life always has us seeking the next situation we think will bring us happiness. 

Jesus says, “Seek first the Kingdom of God and his righteousness.” (Matthew 6:33).  Seeking the Kingdom is always outwardly focused, not inwardly focused.  We seek the Kingdom by giving, by serving, by worshipping.  And all that is more than just a feeling.