Today, the youngest child, the beautiful daughter, turns 18.  Gone are the days of dress-up and make believe, as she now steps boldly into this “grown-up” world, full of hopes and dreams and plans.  Macy Lynn Dowdy entered the world with a strong, lusty cry and brought so much joy to us from the very beginning.  She seemed to have a song in her heart right from the start, singing almost before she could talk.  But there was a time she stopped singing, and her song was almost replaced by silence, almost gone before the notes even found their melody.  I thought it would be a while before I wrote about this particular part of her/our journey, but I asked her if I could share, and in her usual way of wanting to help others, she gave permission.  Macy is one of the most empathetic people I know, and can see the beauty in almost anyone and any situation.  But beginning around middle school, she could no longer find that beauty in herself, and struggled through several years of clinical depression.  I will not go into the details here, but suffice it to say, it was a heart wrenching, gut wrenching time in her life and in the life of our family, in my life as her mother.  While all the reasons are complex and not to be minimized, what we came to realize on the other side of the struggle was that the depression and despair was rooted in the spiritual, and not so much the biochemical.  How she began to dig out of that deep crevice of despair, as we and others talked her down off the precipice, was nothing short of a miracle.  Depression slowly turned to hope, and beauty rose from the ashes, as we prayed and struggled, and claimed God’s promises over her life. 

I often think about and lament the fact that those years were stolen from her, but then I was reminded recently that nothing is wasted if we allow God to redeem it.   This passage from the Eugenia Price novel, The Beloved Invader, spoke to me so powerfully.

Sometimes she felt that everything her husband believed was based on the simple fact that God will not waste anything if we give Him a chance to redeem it.  She watched him lean toward the people, his penetrating eye, his expressive hands entreating them to believe that “He is not only a Redeemer of our sin, but He is a Redeemer of our circumstances as well.  He will not waste a single problem, a single heartache, a single tear.  Our God is a Redeemer God, and He stands minute by minute before us, inviting us to let Him have the sorrow, to let Him have the pain, to let Him have the disappointment.  To trust Him to make something useful, something creative of every tragedy that darkens our lives.”

Nothing wasted – no tear, no heartache, no tragedy.  He does not cause it, but he can use both joy and sorrow if we trust Him day by day.   Maybe you are living with regret over “lost” years and situations, but let this truth wash over you, that He is a Redeemer God, and NOTHING is wasted. 

The Beginning.  God brought it all into being from nothingness.  There is order in all he created, and we have only to look at the complexity of nature to see this functional and purposeful design.  Our planet has an ebb and flow, a pattern.  The earth is situated perfectly with its sun for life to flourish, and goes through the seasons with dependable regularity.  Without this order, life as we know it would not be possible.

 In the same way, the God of the universe has set parameters for us, to balance our lives, allowing us to flourish like the rest of His creation, as we follow His Ways.  There is a Way to live that pleases Him, and it begins with trusting Him, and then following Him.  This is the “stepping- off” point, the necessary marker in the ground that says, “I am His.”  After we have taken the first step toward Him by simply believing and placing our trust in Him (Whosever calls upon the name of the Lord will be saved. Romans 10:13), He promises the Holy Spirit will lead us into all Truth (John 16:13).    Galatians 5:22 tells us the Fruit of the Spirit is Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Gentleness, and Self-Control.   It is through these qualities that others see evidence of God’s transforming power in our lives, the evidence of the Fruit of the Spirit.  Can others see these attributes in your life and mine, day to day?  Does the “fruit” on our branches look and taste like the life-giving fruit in Galatians 5:22?

I am a pragmatic person.  While I enjoy philosophy, theology, and beautiful thoughts and ideas, often when I hear something meaningful, with the power to be life changing, I think, “So what does this mean in my daily life – what can I DO differently – how do I apply it?”  You might be asking yourself something similar.  How do I demonstrate the kind of character, and live the kind of life that shows this Fruit, and how can I get there?”

One practical suggestion is to seek a Mentor, whether you are young or old.  I have noticed a trend, particularly online, to seemingly glory in the fact that we don’t “have it all together.”  This almost seems to be the norm – frequent use of the term “hot mess” comes to mind!  I am certainly not implying that any of us will ever achieve perfection, but I do believe God wants us to prioritize our lives so that we are filled with purpose to produce the kind of fruit that shows we belong to Him.   We all have days we struggle, are not very productive, or feel derailed by our circumstances, but God does not want us to stay there.  This should be the exception, not the rule, of our daily lives.  The flip side of the “online” coin is that often times, people post their “best selves”- how they wish to be perceived, but it may be far from the reality of their daily lives.  Mountain tops and valleys are part of the human experience, but day to day existence is usually lived out somewhere in between.    While it’s good to share our struggles, insecurities, and weaknesses with each other, in the context of community, we should focus on becoming women (and men) of excellence.  We are encouraged to look to those who are living out the “God life,” who are walking closely with Christ, who demonstrate this fruit in abundance.  Hebrews 10:24 tells us to “consider how to stir up one another to love and good works.”   Seek a mentor who stirs you up to be better, to do better, a mentor who “opens her mouth in wisdom, and has the law of kindness on her lips.” Proverbs 31:26. 

While we are urged to seek out this type of mentorship, we are conversely warned about aligning ourselves with those who participate in foolish talk.  Ephesians 5 admonishes us: “do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is…be filled with the Spirit.”  Additionally, Paul tells us, “be careful how you live, not as unwise, but as wise.”   In these days, we can all get caught up in, or even obsessed with, the addictive world of social media, with its memes and one-line zingers and philosophies, to the point of neglecting or diminishing the importance of our own families. Don’t let the counterfeit take the place of the real thing, the best thing.  Be on the alert for any mindset that creeps in, which implies that we are all just muddling through this thing together, and none of us have any of the answers, or that all answers have the same merit.  While we will never have all the answers this side of Heaven, we are not just floundering with no guidance or hope of figuring out what we are doing. The Bible says in 2^nd Peter 1:3 that He has given us “everything we need for life and godliness.”  Everything we need.  We have all the instruction we need in those pages, all the instruction we need for living lives that please Him, in His Word, and through studying the lives of people who follow Him closely.  This does not mean there will not be challenges, struggles, and heartache, sometimes on a daily basis in this journey, but it is about following His Way, so that we might be filled with the peace only He can give.    

Many of you are familiar with Proverbs 31, and the woman who is the subject of the Proverb.  One of the most powerful phrases in the Proverb says that the woman, “Looks well to the ways of her household.”  Friends, this should be our heartbeat and our first priority.   The people in your household are indeed your first ministry, and working toward ordering things to make life pleasant and calm for all within, a reflection of God’s love, is a privilege and a calling.  This does not mean you are responsible for everything, or that you are aiming at some unattainable kind of perfection, it just means that you are intentional about taking steps to make sure your family has what they need to survive and thrive, and to grow into the people God created them to be.  Some of those steps include giving children responsibilities as well.  This is part of “training up a child in the way he should go.” (Proverbs 22:6)   When you give children responsibilities, you are not only helping yourself, but are helping the child to grow and teaching him or her that in a family, we all contribute.  Our Proverbs 31 woman clearly had help to accomplish all that she did! 

Once the needs of our own households are taken care of, then we can “reach out our hands to the poor and needy (Proverbs 31:20).  Sometimes, there is a tendency to get our priorities reversed; we let our homes suffer because of outside obligations or relationships, however noble those obligations may be.  Rightly aligning our priorities may mean saying “no” to some things we have said “yes” to in the past.  Don’t be afraid to weed the garden and get rid of things that don’t need to be there anymore.  Saying “no” to some obligations means you have the margin to say “yes” to the right ones.  When our thinking and priorities are placed in the right order, life then becomes more peaceful and “manageable.”  Order will replace chaos; you’ll find more time for the most important things, and discover the path, the Way, becomes clearer.    

Take a deep breath, you have everything you need.